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foreplay is a scam??
Hello! We are two mental health professionals who specialize in sexuality and sexual health. And one topic we like to talk about A LOT is women and their experiences with sex. Our mission is to help people safely connect to their bodies and pleasure, to learn more about themselves, and to heal sexual shame by providing a safe environment for open discussion and education.
One thing we want to call out though right away...yes indeed, foreplay is a scam. And by that we mean...foreplay has long been marketed as the "warm up" for "real" sex. The optional, nice to have activities, to prepare for penetration. But obviously it's not "real sex" and remember...optional (picking up on the sarcasm?). Because after all, we have all learned that the penis is the star of the show and that penetration is always the goal! So "foreplay" has been the way to get to penetration. This has made "sex" a very linear, goal directed activity = a one way ticket if you will...to a penis in vagina show!
BUT this ignores the sexual needs and pleasure of women (vulva owners), for most of whom, penetration, while perhaps nice, IS NOT the most reliable path to orgasm (clitoris anyone??). So we have made it so that men (penis owners), whose most reliable path orgasm IS penetration, get their needs met automatically because sex = penetration. And then women (vulva owners) are left having "sex" (PIV - penis in vagina) that isn't great for them and certainly doesn't bring them the most pleasure possible.
The term foreplay also assumes every woman is having sex with men and/or wants penetration. So what about women having sex with women? According to this very narrowly prescribed idea, the sex they are having somehow does not count.
So we are proposing something different!
All sexual activities = sex. And all sexual activities are "real" sex and are equal. And not all sex is penetration. Let's eliminate the idea of warm up, progression and a linear one way path (why is it that sex is over when the man is done?)
Eliminate the term foreplay from your vocabulary. Let's prioritize activities that bring everyone pleasure! This brings us to a much more fun, flexible and exploratory approach to sex that is soooo much better.
Join us in spreading the word!
